Resumes & Cover Letters Watercooler

15 Hilarious Things People Have Put on Their Resume

Written by Randy Stancovici

Here at TheJobNetwork, we have scoured every nook and cranny of the internet and have compiled a list of epic proportions. Here are the top 15 most hilarious things people have put on their resume.

Most people take their resumes seriously, but not these guys. First thing first, if you are serious about making a great resume, make sure to download our resume samples for your specific job title.

1. “None of my references really like me, so please don’t believe what they say.”

2. “I came up with the idea for Windows.”

3. “I’ll introduce you to my wife if you hire me.”

4. “I am proficient in Internet Explorer, Firefox, and all related search engines.”

5.  “I’m a level 90 Shamanistic natural healer.”

6.  “I quit being a porn actor and took a job at a gas station. They fired me because of ‘job performance issues.’ Right before the tank was full I’d pull the nozzle out and spray gas all over the car’s headlights.”

7.  Werk Xperince: “i werked at da keyfuuud az da best bhag boiii”

8.  Leadership Skills: “World of Warcraft Guild Leader

9. “Have you ever been convicted of a felony? If yes, please explain.” Answer: “Yes. Arson. He deserved it. Will discuss in interview.”

10. “List your most notable accomplishments.” Answer: “I learned how to store crumbs in the flaps of my fat for safe-keeping.”

11. Skills: “I’m a BOSS at working.”

12. Talents: “I am adored by my entire village. All of the villagers want me to marry their daughters.”

13. Special skills: “I have destroyed the president of Nicaragua in tennis.”

14. Languages: “I can speak Klingon.”

15.  “This isn’t my real contact information. I need to conceal my identity because I am being followed. If you need to contact me, flip a coin into the sunlight and look north. I will be there.”

If you don’t want to end up looking like anyone above, make sure to go over to our resume library to download a resume template for your desired job title.

About the author

Randy Stancovici

Randy graduated Baruch College with his BBA in Marketing in 2016. He is the Content Strategist for PandoLogic, where he is involved in content marketing, promotion, and SEO.